All day, well, all weekend ... aw heck... all summer long- everyone is SO excited for Mea to start kindergarten. They ask her "How excited are you? Did you meet your teacher?! Are you gonna ride the bus?" I think each time those questions were asked, I cried a little inside. Earlier today, my nerves started to get the best of me. The edge broke off when Mea's Godmother called (in tears herself). I pleaded, "Keep it short. We are barely keeping it together here." I think "we" all knew who "we" were talking about. She wished her well and that is about where my neurological system called it quits on me. There is a slim chance, a very slight possibility, I may have made it to tomorrow without any tears until we read the "super secret" note from the teacher. Those darn teachers really know what they are doing. Stupid... super sweet poem!
"Mom, what's wrong? Are you laughing or crying?"
BOTH! I couldn't stop. I'm a crazy lady. I CAN'T stop to be more accurate. What am I crying about? I have no idea. She is ready for it. We are ready for it. Like I said though,it has been brewing for weeks. I have been seriously nesting. Obsessing on getting things ready... just getting things done, ya know, doing things and somehow all the while not really getting ready at all. It has been a looming summer finish line... or have we been approaching the starting line?
I recently witnessed nesting at its best as one of my sisters prepared for her second child. Everyday for a month she would say, "as soon as (some random thing) is done, I will really really be ready for this baby to come." Now that she has had her baby... she passed the baton in the nesting relay to me. I ran with it. I have been feeling as though, once my Mea starts school, nothing will ever be the same again. Oh lord, will it? Is that why I am crying? Breathe. Rationalize: Change is good. Growth is beautiful. Every new age and discovery has been as awesome as the one before. oh crap... That'll get me thinking.. oh here we go again..Wahh! Boo Hoo:(
Preschool was one thing... it was a few hours for 3 days a week. This kindergarten is 5 FULL days! UGH I've been so lucky to be able to be home with my girls (working a perfectly part-time schedule). Maybe that's it... I've been there and now she will be with someone else for so much of the day and week. What will she learn? How will she change? Will she be herself and will people listen? Will she be kind and will others be kind to her? YES YES AND YES
Like I mentioned, we are ready for this. The summer has been a marathon of parties. Everyday felt like a celebration of one thing or another. We swam. We rode bikes. We traveled. We spent tons of time with family and friends. The girls really grew up a lot this summer and recently the 2 years that separate Mea and Eva started to really show. Little things like Mea wanting to shower and Eva likes baths. I could see Eva gravitating toward other kids where she could be the "older one" for a change. I saw Mea getting tired of always being the voice of reason for her little sister and giving up whatever she had for her to stay happy. We are ready for school and schedule and... WE are ready for kindergarten. There is a real silver lining here in the fact that tomorrow will start a whole lots of NEW things! One thing in particular that I am looking forward to is this one on one thing with just me and Eva. That should be interesting.
Tonight, we read the teacher's note and then a Fancy Nancy book and I made it through my usual rendition of Twinkle Twinkle and You are My Sunshine before the tears came up again. Flowing like the Nile River.
So tomorrow, our baby girl is going to kindergarten and I need to get some sleep. Find a happy place. The mantra I'll focus on comes from another one of my sisters... she texted me...
"Roots and Wings".
Yup. Balance. We have given Mea roots and it is time to fly. It was the same sweet subtle advice that this wise sister gave me at my baby shower when I was pregnant with Mea. Six years ago she gave it to me in the form of a mixed CD.... It had songs that were new to us and hilarious:
"Victor Vito and Freddy Fasco...
They liked to eat fast, they never eat slow...
oh they ate their rice, they ate their beans.
They ate their rutabaga and they ate their collard greens."
The CD had other songs that were real oldies and goodies...Cat Stevens..."Wild World"
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile, girl
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
I'll always remember you like a child, girl
My aunt sang that to me as I went away to college. Thank heavens this is only kindergarten! and GOOD thing I have all these sisters in my life.
Roots and Wings